This from the New York Times:
"It may sound counterintuitive, but people who spend more of their day having deep discussions and less time engaging in small talk seem to be happier, said Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona who published a study on the subject.
“We found this so interesting, because it could have gone the other way — it could have been, ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ — as long as you surf on the shallow level of life you’re happy, and if you go into the existential depths you’ll be unhappy,” Dr. Mehl said.
But, he proposed, substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons: both because human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people."
Is this true for you?
What should we talk about?
3 comments:
Diane,
I know it is very important for me to feel connected to other people and to engage in meaningful discussion with them. In fact, I was recently thinking of you specifically as one person with whom I both agree and disagree at deep levels and how satisfying it is to know that this combination exists within a context of great respect for your intelligence and compassion. Even when our perspectives don't match up, I continue to feel welcome. In this way, when we agree, I feel connected and affirmed. When we disagree, I still feel connected and affirmed as I discover opportunities to view issues through new perspectives. I think this is a product of intellectual and spiritual hospitality which I find among so many Friends.
It is very true for me because I have very few places where I am able to be fully heard.
Just the other night I was talking with my 14 year old son about a class assignment concerning writing a belief statement. We talked for 2 hours about core beliefs ... and I was able to finally process much of what I have been pondering for months.
I am one of those who doesn't really "know" what they "think" until they are forced to say it "out loud". Blogging gets me part of the way there, but the action of "talking" is not the same at the action of "typing", so I find the dynamic very different.
I know that I am in a bit of a desert season, and I am content with that -- as I know that I am currently supposed to be "talking" with my heavenly Father. I've journaled this year more than any year of my life ... but writing, like typing, is not the same. It is, however, a start ... and I have really gotten into a groove of talking with Father all day. Perhaps, since I am at home alone during most of the day, I should move that more from "in my head" to actually "out loud"?
Anyway...as to the "what shall we talk about" question, I am moving more and more to "What is God saying to you these days?" or "What opportunities is God putting in your path?" or "What keeps you from joining in what you see God doing?"
Hi Hystery and Abi,
I have been having trouble accessing the Internet again, but thank you for the lovely comments. :)
Diane
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